Ascension Apprehension

The Rapture Part forever:

 All right, calm down. I am a dog. Remember my religion is based on a good poop and a run on the beach My supreme being is Deb. That’s right Deb. The other day Bones and Deb were having a "conversation" about something inconsequential. Bones was on a pain low and he took it out on Deb. They both left in their cars at the same time. When they got to the stop sign Bones gave me the option to jump out and get in Deb’s car. I did because, as I said, in my universe she is the supreme being.

Well I hear Saturday is the day you pink skins have picked for the chosen ones to meet their maker or the son of their maker. 

I apologize to my friends "down under" as they are a day ahead of us and they may have already gone. I know Bones has a friend in Australia he considers to be the voice of reason. If anybody deserves to fly it would be Mike. Bones likes to go to a thing called face place or something like that. He tries to start trouble but Mike always comes on and sets things at peace. In our world that is worthy of reward. 

Okay, so if this is really happening the good folk are gonna go to the clouds and the unworthy folk will stay here and wait for the fire and brimstone. I can guarantee you Bones is staying. To me that is quite comforting.

 I wonder about all the pets of the hairless apes that are leaving. Who will feed them? How will they get out at night to do their business? Will they now become responsible for their owner’s mortgages, car payments, and credit card bills?

I would like to offer my counseling services for the abandoned dogs, cats, rats, birds, guinea pigs, horses, etc., that will now have to deal with an assortment of obligations and responsibilities.

 By the way, the people left behind will now have the run of the place so there may be an uneasy transition period. Anarchy and chaos will rule the day. 

You know, come to think of it, the ruling elite are probably not gonna sprout wings and fly. Status quo.

So, all your money and cars and stuff will mean nothing any longer. Bones and I could use a cash infusion. I am thinking as a last good faith gesture that the ones of you who are absolutely convinced you are so much better in the eyes of the lord go ahead and send us your dough, pink slips, and house deeds. You don't need them any longer and we sinners could use them when you are gone.

I intend to continue to continue on. I will be rolling in the grass, romping on the beach, cruising by the river and, indeed, Bones will be by my side. Bad seed though he may be, he is mine and I am his. 

We are pretty sure Deb is not leaving either, if for no other reason than she hangs with Bones. That has gotta be enough to keep her off the Zeppelin.

Hugs from the Valley CASH FARGO BELLINGER

The end of the line

Where do I start?
The world is a mess and I did not make it that way. The humans are saying my poop is the reason the oceans are so messed up. Well not my poop per se but the droppings of dogs all over the planet. They have made millions of plastic bags to pick up poop to save the planet. Let me get this straight if you put my droppings in a bag with an after life of 3000 years and drop that in a landfill with a million other plastic bags full of stuff way more toxic than my used food, that is somehow helping the planet?

I realize most everyone thinks you should clean up after your dog. I believe there are exceptions. If for instance I squat in the bushes where no one can see me and let one go  that reminder of my last meal will darken dry and turn to dust. I also have an incredible technique of burying what I leave. I turn my back to the product and scoop mounds of dirt on top with all four feet. The way I look at it that will be inert in a matter of days. Now of course going on someones lawn or drive way should be tended to by the owner, in this case Bones.

All right back to the beach. I have a question about horses. When you see one or a group of riders there is an awful lot of horse plop left behind as they pass by. I have yet to see a horse rider jump off their steed with a giant plastic bag and scoop up after them.

"No problem", I hear you say. They eat grass. It is still poop.

The earth is about 61 percent water. The human body is about 61 percent water.

The ocean makes up a lot of the water on the earth, most of it in fact. The ocean is being killed and not by my poop. Man has dumped toxic waste, dropped bombs into and on the surface.
 With no regard for the future or the health of the inhabitants of this wondrous watery world, humans have depleted its resources, ruined its ecosystems, and virtually destroyed large portions of mother ocean.

Now the big deal is "save the ocean". Of course Bones and I agree. When bones was a kid the ocean was clean. After a dip in the ocean you felt refreshed. Now after you get out of the water you better wash it off or you may get some sort of disease.

Of course a lot of the filth in the ocean is a side effect of war. We have a lot of young men in a lot of countries fighting for things that just don't matter in the long run. Some of these countries have been squabbling with each other for centuries. Let them squabble I say. Keep our young men at home with their wives and children.

If we had put the genius minds of the past generations on the task of providing alternative power resources instead of creating killing machines, guns, and weapons of mass destruction, we would have solar powered cars. Wind would be harnessed to provide us with heat and cool our dwellings. It is totally possible.

Just think, if we used our minds for the good of all and worked with the planet instead of against it, the oceans would still be alive.

There was a horrible earthquake and tsunami in Japan recently. In the aftermath  a nuclear power plant leaked a lot of very bad stuff into the air and the ocean. If we had been using other forms of power this would not have happened. We better figure out that this is not the way to go before the big one hits this coast.

Ok here it is.

 If we had used all the smart people to perfect solar energy,  wind energy, methane energy, and an assortment of other sources (like poop), we would not have to go to war for the oil under the ground in most of the countries we are fighting in.

Humans, stop the wars, bring the boys home, use the sun for what it is intended, harness the wind, and stop killing the ocean.

If everything was done right I could take a crap in your car and get you to town and back.

Hugs from the valley. Cash Fargo Bellinger

This one goes out to the girls

Not so long ago it was a big deal for me to go on a car ride. I was never allowed inside and I had no friends. The first 6 years were tough ones. It was a "Cash against the world situation". 

Sure I had somewhere to stay, with 100s of turtles and birds and lizards and dogs oh my. It is hard to remember what I was living for and what kept me getting up everyday. Who knows how long I had been dealing with the disease that almost killed me.

When Megan and Jesse came along I saw my way out. It helped that Roxy liked me right off the bat and I knew why I got up in the mornings after that. It didn't happen overnight but the visits became more frequent and I was so happy to be with these guys. I did not want to go back to my dung filled yard. Roxy and I were obviously soul mates.

Along comes Bones. He seemed to be the alpha dog in this set-up although Megan would dispute that hierarchy. Bones had just lost his buddy Alli of 14 years, a beautiful Border Collie mix of sweetness and light.  He and I were not sure about each other at first. As it turned out I was in such pain and agony it was hard for him to understand why I would not get close to him. The reason was I hurt all over, but especially in my head where a nasty colony of living fungus had taken up residence in my right sinus.

All right there is some history for those of you new to the Cash Chronicles.

Here is what I think the magic is behind my survival. Now, remember I was terminal.

Without Megan, Jesse, and Susan I would be 4 foot deep in a hole full of turtle shells.

Roxy loved me from the start. Jesse and Megan liked that a lot. Susan met me and loved me. I am so lucky that what ever energy exist allowed our worlds to collide.

Bones was no slouch in this scene. When I started to bleed from my head and could not stand up he put towels under my face and made me as comfortable as he could. He cried a lot when I first came to live with him, partly because he had just lost Alli and partly because I was dying in front of him. The troops rallied, money was lent to Bones, and I received some amazing grace by being treated by the best doctors ever . I want to thank the women in my life. You know how women are--even if they love each other they want to be number one. 

First, let me bring you up to date. Bones and I were getting into a groove. Simple pleasures for simple creatures. Bones against the world became Cash and Bones against the world.

Then the car wreck. Bones' little world was shattered. Along came Deb. She took him in when he could not walk or even sit. Most important of all she took me in and did all the things Bones could not do like walk me ,feed me, love me.

I want to thank Roxy for loving me and giving Meg and Jess a reason to bring me into their lives.

I want to thank Megan and Susan ( and Jesse ) for providing the monetary  means to save me.

I want to thank Deb for being Deb and taking me in as if I had known her all my life. I feel like I have known her all my life. I now have a physical home, a spiritual home, and I really know now why I get up in the morning.

          

 By the way, I did have a lot of help. But, remember I am a bad ass dude and I am tough to the bone or I would not be here right now. 

I have come to realize I am pretty amazing. My feet are perfect.

This is the end of this chapter. Next:

 Life in the valley, Cash goes camping (Misrepresentia ).   

By the way, now I go on a car ride every day. I have my own bed. I get to go to the beach with Roxy a lot and I do not sleep outside any longer. The last 6 months have been better than the first 6 years.

I love you girls: Megan, Susan,  Deb, 

Susan, Megan,  Deb

Deb ,Susan, Megan

 and of course my queen Roxy Woo the best girlfriend ever.

Hugs from the valley:  Cash Fargo Bellinger

Hidden Agenda

Agenda,every body has one, some more insidious than others. 

Without some sort of agenda there would be no impetus to do anything. Without the agenda to eat or move one might just lie in bed and waste away.

The trick is to spot the agenda of whomever you are dealing with. Of course in business one is well aware that the other party has an agenda to either sell you some thing or get whatever you are selling at a lower price. 

Ideas are an intangible and yet the agenda of many people is to steal your ideas and use them for their own purposes. 

My agenda is always pretty obvious. I want to eat I want to be loved and love back, I want to see my girlfriend as much as possible and I must admit I want to dominate the next male dog I see. Sure obvious right? Well that is the beauty of my kind no hidden agenda.

Humans on the other hand are a little harder to read. I know it sounds cynical for the Cash files but I learn from observing. 

Surfers run in packs and pretend it is  all a big love fest . The truth is once in the water all bets are off. Long gone are the days of your wave brother,you go.

Musicians want only the best for their fellow players, that is until a gig comes up that 2 bands are vyeing for.

Go to any parking lot and watch the humans jockey for the best spot then smile at each other when they walk by in the store.  

Writers,  politicians ,teachers , lawyers, surfers musicians, restauranteurs, real estate agents, smile shake your hand and act as if they have your best interest at heart . Some may have this altruistic notion, but most have a hidden agenda.

My agenda right now is to get Bones off his backside and take me for a walk.

So love with all your might but remember the circle is small of people who have no hidden 

agenda.

Hugs from the valley:  Cash Fargo Bellinger

One dogs trash is another dogs treasure

Here is a really cool trick, Roxy has this one down.

First find something really yummy, in this case the rotting carcass of a squirrel. Now this might sound gross to you pink skins but to Roxy this is akin to a filet mignon cooked slightly rare. To you vegans I guess it would be the equivalent of a yummy tofu mix of some sort. Mind you the body itself is not enough the real art is in the curing. 

Roxy somehow snuck this morsel into Bone's car the other day. We have been spending the days at the beach. You know I love these moments with Rox and the fact she can pull off some of her pranks on Bones only makes me fonder of her. Well Bones noticed a particularly foul smell in his car today, he figured it was his wet suit. You surfers know of what I speak the funky unwashed wet wet suit aroma.

The reason there is a wet suit in the car:

Bones got a cortisone shot the other day and it was the first time he had been able to see his knee for about 8 months. The swelling dissipated and he was pretty fired up to surf again. He paddled for a few days figuring to break back in slowly and maybe not stand up in a week or so. Well instinct kicked in he caught a wave went to stand up and his knee buckled. Too soon I guess, he is undeterred though heck he could not get in to a wet suit a month ago. Knee braces next.

Sorry back to my story, we got back to the car Roxy jumped in and under a towel she pulls out the rotting corpse of this treat she had been curing. She looked up at Bones proudly and began to munch. Ok even I was a little grossed out but the smile on her face was precious. We all had a good laugh at Bones expense.

Don't tell Jesse but we put it in his truck.   Next I well tell you about JuJube and how she steals things and make them disappear.  

Hugs from the valley: Keep a smile on your face people will treat you better.

Its my birthday and I will bark if I want to

Big day today Jesse, Megan Susan and Dan are coming up for Jesses 40th birthday. 40 is a big one for humans. Get this folks when they brought me from Arizona the vet took a guess at my birthday and put it at February 16 the same day as Jesse’s weird uh?  

So in dog years I am about 8 that is really old about 56 in human years. As bones says oh to be 56 again. I feel the best I have ever felt I am a reborn again puppy and I am one bad ass handsome smart agile and funny dude. The cats and I have been coming up with new games and I am so jazzed to be alive that my smile never leaves my face.

I went to the local river with Deb and Bones the other day. There was nobody around and once again the day was perfect. I waded into the water got up to my massive chest and figured that was deep enough for me. I pranced around for a while just to entertain my humans. They seem to get such joy from my antics that I consider it my job to put on a show for  them.

It is pretty cool up here I have the squirrel field I have the grass strip and I have the river. As far as I can tell all these spots have been designed just for me. Oh sure occasionally there are other humans and dogs and sometimes I have to share. Sharing is something we all have to learn to do just to make this whole existence work out. Bones loves to share in the water just ask anyone who has ever surfed with him. He is still not able to surf and finds it very frustrating and sometimes gets very depressed. I do my best to bring him out of his foul moods by being the natural showman I have discovered  I am.

When Deb gets home I grab one of my Squirrel toys toss it in the air catch it in my mouth roll over on my back and hold it above my head with my 2 front feet while I grin from ear to ear. I am the funniest dog on the planet well at least on planet Deb and Bones.

Now just to let you know if I see trouble coming I don’t back down in fact I have developed what I call the 100 pound head. When I encounter a another dog with an attitude I run over and put my head on his neck .I don’t care how big they are. I then use gravity and  turn my head into the mighty Unspunnenstein stone ( look it up) and growl menacingly. I did this to a Saint Bernard the other day and he ignored me. Sometimes that is alright because I have been known to bite off more than I can chew. 

I am resting up for the big night so happy to see the crew again. I wish Roxy could come but we are pretty wild together and it would not be fair for the cats.

I know you humans sometimes get morose on your birthdays but to me this is the best day ever 8 months ago I was terminal today I am terminally happy. I love you Bones, Deb, Susan, Dan, Jesse, and of course the indomitable Megan.

To all those that went before me in Bones and Jesses life: Love, Strider , Audi, Rollo, Alli      cats to numerous to mention: I live this day for you. I salute you my brethren and hope to carry on for years to come. Of course a special dose of love goes out to Baby goodby sweet girl. 

Happy birthday Jesse: Happy birthday to me. I love you Roxy 

We are all in this together so lets share and share alike.

Hugs from the Valley Cash Fargo Bellinger

Valentines day Massacre

     There is a human holiday called Valentines day. The origin is obscured in history and both Bones and I are pretty confident the whole deal is made up by ad men looking for another excuse to sell their wares.

Everything from flowers to blood diamonds are hawked on this day. The radio, the newspaper, the TV all make a lot of money from advertising goods for the  working men of america to waste their  hard earned money on.

The sad part is even if you don't believe in this Dog and Pony show come valentine day if you are empty handed you find out the day still exist.

So I ponder what does my beloved Roxy want for this occasion. I saw her eyeballing a dead seagull on the beach but Bones would not bring it home for her. Normal toys do not last long with the "woo" she destroys them too quickly and the thrill is short lived.

I will do my best to find some suitably grotesque and fragrant morsel for her to munch and roll on.

Meanwhile boys flowers chocolate all passé so better be creative and come up with something your special girl will know had a lot of thought behind it.

Good luck, I know there are some super stinky dead things on Summer-land beach, plenty to go around.

Hugs from the valley: Cash Fargo Bellinger